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Health & Fitness

Who Are We?

The other day I was talking to someone who was experiencing grief that a loved one had changed in some really noticeable ways after completing two tours of military service overseas. He felt his loved one was not the same person he was before he completed these tours of duty. This got me thinking about the nature of identity- who we think we are and who others perceive us to be.

Medical events or not, we all change with time. I am not the same person I was ten years ago- or even five years ago. Thinking back to when I was a teen, I had a difficult time managing emotions then that just seemed to flood over me uncontrollably at times. Now that I have been me for a bit over sixty years I am very familiar with my moods and feelings and can choose to put them front and center in my experience or not. I have realized that moods and feelings are things I experience, and which pass like clouds floating across the sky. These moods and feelings are not what I am. What I am is much more like that which observes the moods and feelings and has some sense of calm and constancy to it.

We also have multiple partial selves that take center stage depending on what we are doing and who we are with. I am different as a mother than I am as a daughter, and I am different at work when I am doing my job than I am sitting at home writing this in my PJs. These partial selves become contact points for interaction. None of these roles represent fully who we are. Some people believe we are biological entities without a soul, and others believe we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

We enter this life not knowing if or how we existed before our birth, and all of us experience moments when we are not sure what happens when we pass away. In this marvelous time between birth and death, we face many challenges and are not given an instruction manual for our bodies or our minds.

We are made out of stardust and have marvelous brains, and yet when we look up at the night sky filled with endless stars- we become aware of our own insignificance. I did not mention to the person I was talking with who was unhappy about how his loved one had changed that in the process of interacting with the person who had changed he had also changed.

So who am I, and who are you? Is there some constant in the sea of change that makes up our lives that is the essence of our identity?

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