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Health & Fitness

The Daddy Diaries: Never Say Never

A South City father lists the five things he thought he would "never" do as a parent.

It was a lot easier to be a parent before having a baby. 

During the pregnancy, I thought a lot about the kind of father I wanted to be. Having observed family and friends with children, I was convinced there were certain things I would "never" do. But then our son was born and the reality of baby life has me being stretched and humbled in ways I could not have imagined. Suddenly my list of things I would "never" do is being quickly re-evaluated. 

And, believe me, it doesn't take long to compromise your principles. A sleep-deprived parent attempting to calm a teething child, compounded by yet another diaper blow-out, will be desperate to try almost anything to make the day a little easier. 

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So here's my list (so far) of the things I thought I would never do:

1. The Sniff Test

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Changing a dirty diaper is not a simple process, as babies wear several layers of clothing, each with multiple little snaps that are a challenge to fasten, especially on a kicking and screaming infant. Before you go through the hassle of undressing your baby, you want to be absolutely sure there's "gold in them hills". But how do you know? The "Sniff Test" is where you lift a child by the armpits and raise the backside of the diaper to your nose and deliberately take a big whiff. At first you try to be discreet and not make a big show about it, but soon you lose all sense of propriety and perform the sniff test in public places without a second thought—in the grocery store, on the bus, at church: no place is sacred.

2. Drive-Thru Jubilee 

Recently a new Starbucks Cafe opened in Colma that has a drive-thru window. At first I was critical of this feature: "Are people really that lazy that they can't just park and go inside for a cup of coffee?" Plus, the line of cars is often five or six deep, all wasting gas and time just to have their caffeine fix. But now that we have a baby, my attitude has changed, and I sing the praises of the drive-thru window. For the first time I truly appreciate the convenience of not having to unload the stroller and lift out the car seat, especially if Gregory is asleep, so that I can have my grande non-fat extra-hot latte. In fact, I now find myself annoyed when stores do not have a drive-thru! 

3. The TV Babysitter

This is one that I'm still committed to resist, although I can understand the temptation to plop a fussy child in front of a television screen. Last week I sat down on the couch to watch the 49er game with my son in my lap. I assumed that I would only be able to catch glimpses of the game and that most of my attention would be given to my son. However, it was eerie to see how the television screen captivated his attention and how passive he became as he watched (I can only assume this had nothing to do with the lackluster play of the 49ers). I've heard many reports how prolonged exposure to television has terrible effects on the brain and body, and I really want to protect my family from this. 

4. Car Naps

Gregory often gets cranky in the late afternoons and he's reluctant to take a nap, even if he is really tired. Some days I can wait him out and he eventually falls asleep in his crib, but other days I resort to loading him up in the car and just going for a drive. The sound of the motor combined with the gentle vibration of the car puts him to sleep quickly. The only problem is that gas is currently around $4 a gallon; add in the money I spend at the Starbucks drive-thru and it becomes a pretty expensive way to calm my crying baby.

5. Asking for Help

There's not really any one thing that's hard about taking care of a baby, but rather it's the consistent awareness and the non-stop attention to all his needs that leaves me physically and emotionally drained by the end of a day. Originally I thought being a stay-at-home dad would afford me plenty of time to get other things done, such as doing home projects or preparing for the guitar lessons I teach a few nights a week. But even during his nap times, I find I don't get much done since I have to keep the house pretty quiet. This leaves me feeling frustrated and a bit resentful. Perhaps because of my pride, I am reluctant to ask others for help as I was sure that I could handle this father role on my own. But now I see I need a break, even if it's just a few hours during the week. Friends at church have offered to babysit, and I think it's time to take them up on their offer.

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