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Health & Fitness

The Daddy Diaries: Attack of the Diaper Dudes

A South City stay-at-home dad discovers he's not alone.

I'm a stay-at-home dad who really doesn't like to stay at home. I love being with my son, but if we stay inside the house and do nothing but stare at each other all day, it doesn't take long to grow pretty sick of one another.

Gregory is a social kid. He makes strong eye contact and his face lights up with a big smile when he interacts with people, especially other babies. And when this happens, I find he is less needy for constant attention later on in the day and more conducive to longer naps, which is a good thing for both of us.

For myself, I must have other adult interaction during the day or else I start going a little cuckoo. I know there's a problem when I begin to have full conversations with my six-month infant and I not only talk to him, but also start to answer on his behalf. 

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"How's the applesauce, buddy?" I ask while serving up another messy spoonful into his mouth.

"Oh, that's really good stuff, dad," I respond in an altered baby-like voice. "You're a good cook. How about some more?"

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"You got it, son," I reply to my split personality. "Now open wide—here comes the jet plane!" I lift the spoon from the jar of pureed apples and twirl it around the air while making engine noises with my mouth.

I definitely need to get out more.

Staying home to take care of a child can be a very isolating experience. While the rest of the world is engaging in "real business," you seem to be quarantined to your home and relegated to a depressing existence of wearing sweat pants and watching bad daytime TV. Sometimes in the middle of wiping vomit off my shirt or playing yet another game of peek-a-boo, I wonder if I really needed to go to college for this. I would like to think that I am actually a pretty interesting guy who has done rather interesting things with many significant achievements in life. But right now my drooling, cranky, hungry, wet, teething little boy doesn't seem very impressed with any of that.

And it's not enough just to run errands or take the stroller out for a walk by myself; I really just need other adults to talk with—about anything.

One of the best things to come out of these blog articles has been connecting with other guys who are in the same situation as me. A few of us "Diaper Dudes" get together at least once a week to either hang out at Orange Park, go to the Academy of Science in San Francisco or just have lunch at a kid-friendly restaurant. 

And while these get-togethers with other dads have been so cool in so many ways, may I ask that you please, PLEASE, not call our events "play dates" (ugh!). There's just something about that expression that really grates on my nerves. I prefer the term "hang time with our kids". Yes, I know it means the exact same thing as "play dates", but somehow it sounds a little more manly.

The other day three of us—Quincy, Jonas, and I—met up at Tanforan for some "hang time," and I suppose we were quite a sight: Three grown men each pushing an infant with a couple of toddlers tagging along. We must have looked like some type of odd stroller gang causing mayhem and traffic congestion in the aisles of Target. Two women shopping together stood gap-mouthed when they saw us and then erupted into wild laughter and applause. Another woman began giving us fist pumps and shouting across the pharmacy, "That's so awesome. YOU GO, MEN!" 

Oh yes, we go.

Sometimes I hang with the moms too, which is also fun, but definitely a different experience. On Wednesday mornings there's a sing-along time for infants at the library, and so far I seem to be the only guy that shows up for this event, along with about a dozen other women. I do feel a little out of place, like I've just crashed a sorority party, but the women are very welcoming and my son absolutely loves the interaction with the other babies.

The main difference between stay-at-home dads and stay-at-home moms is that the women actually read the baby books. In general, the moms are much more informed about the stages of child development and up-to-date with all of the latest research and trends found in the parenting magazines. Guys, on the other hand, approach baby-care the same way they approach car-care: check for leaks, change dirty filters and fuel it up from time to time.

From the moms I glean solid insight on nap-time strategy, teething remedies and a home safety checklist. From the dads I get reminded that I'm still a dude who likes to talk about 49er defensive alignment, kung-fu movies, and where to find a really good burrito. 

The truth is I need both these moms and dads in my life. Just knowing I'm not alone in this messy adventure of baby-care makes all the difference.

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