Letters to Juliana

Jesus Peña and Patricia Watson , at the age of 2 in February after a 10-month fight with childhood cancer neuroblastoma. Since then, they have been keeping her memory alive on their Facebook page and website and are working toward starting a foundation in her name to fight the disease.

Peña and Watson have given South San Francisco Patch permission to reprint the daily messages they write to Juliana on Facebook in a regular column:

Wednesday, May 23

Goodnight Cita!! I miss you so much!! After taking in all the celebration for your birthday and being able to finally have a smile on my face, I’m back to being sad! When preparing for your birthday there was a lot to do and I was running so I really didn’t have time to sit back and think. When I was running around it felt like you were at home waiting for me. Now that it has passed were left with that same empty feeling. I go in Cutes every night and its just a reminder that you’re no longer here!! It’s back to the questions of why. I’m telling you Cita I felt real happiness with your party but I should’ve known that it wasn’t going to last because until we meet again I will never have true happiness!! It’s hard for people to understand but it hurts when you know other people get to kiss there kids goodnight or just give them love in general, when mommy and I want to show you love or give you a kiss we have to kiss an Urn!! I kiss your Urn every night 3 times and rub my nosies just like I did when you were here and I will do that the rest of my life!! There’s time’s that my mind tells me that you’re coming back and I believe it but as I start thinking reality sets in and you’re not at least physically and that’s what I want!! Call me selfish but I need you here physically!! I sit back and think of the things we never got to do with you and it bothers me because why couldn’t god give us some of the simple memories to hold on to!! Like being able to potty train you, you were ready and lela bought you a potty right before you got sick! We decided that it was too hard to try and teach you because we were in the hospital too much and with all those lines hooked up to you it would have been too hard! Plus we didn’t want to worry about the potty when we were worried about saving your life!! You would tell us at home that you wanted to go on your potty, you would take your diaper off in the living room and walk to the bathroom with your little chunky booty showing, lol. You would sit down for like 5 seconds and say “I’m done I need Paper-Toiler” lol, I have a big smile on my face right now because I remember it like it was yesterday!! See it’s the little stuff that we didn’t get to enjoy with you that breaks my heart!! I’m so sorry Cita!!
This picture is from a year ago today. I took it of you on your potty and it’s the only one I will ever have of you on a potty!!
I Love You So Much!! - Daddy

Thursday, May 24

Just thinking of you beautiful!! I can't believe its been 3 months already since you took your last breath. Just know Cita there is not a second that goes by that I don't think of you. I miss you so much!! Even though it was way too short I was blessed to have you in my life!! I Love You!! - Daddy

For more information about Juliana and neuroblastoma, visit Juliana's Journey on Facebook and online.